Bullying Continued

Good Afternoon everyone,

Here's a small update on young Lau's situation.  After the sun published his story, his father had a meeting with school's representatives.  The school has taken action to help the boy with support on the playground and within the school. (to follow his story http://www.torontosun.com/ writen by Kevin connor)
I have to say I am relieved that something is being done to help this family.  However, as a parent it's unnerving to hear that the father had to contact the media before steps would be taken in protecting his young son. 

What are some of the psychological and physical effects of bullying?

In most cases when a child is being bullied he/she becomes withdrawn, lonely and secluded.  Bed wetting and nightmares may also occur.  Some children may shown signs of explosive anger.  He/she may suddenly dislike school and make up excuses not to go. 
In most cases the child is ashamed and will refuse to talk about what is happening.  He/she may not know how to talk about it. 
If you are seeing sudden behavior changes in your child, such mentioned above.  It is imperative to keep lines of communication open.  Be patient and understanding with your child.  Start by asking how things are at school.  What do they do during recess, who their friends are.  Create a comfort zone for them.  He/she will eventually open up to you. 
When your child finally does open up and tell you what has been happening.  Try to not show your thoughts, feelings and frustration. If your child sees your anger, he/she will assume it's their fault and immediately shut down.
What can you do to help? 
You have to try to place yourself in your child's place.  First, they believe that they will be punished for telling on their classmate.  Second, they assume that the bullying will get worse if they tell an adult.  Unfortunately, in most cases it does get worse if the problem is not dealt with properly.
Start by calling the school and having a meeting with the principal to discuss what has been going on.  Address your concerns respectfully but firmly.  Do not take "no this is not happening" for an answer.  The principal will most probably do an investigation into the matter.  Be active in this, ask for constant updates.  You may also want to have a meeting with the parents of the other child or children.  I do advise against this as it may escalate things.  However, if it is something you feel you need to do.  Insure there is a mediator present. 
To help your child deal with the emotional effects of having been bullied.  You can start by creating a journal in which they write down all of what has happened.  Any emotion your child is feeling whether it be good or bad.  (If the child is too young to write have them draw it out.)  Do not read what your child is writing or coloring.  This is part of creating the comfort zone for them.  Let he/she know that they are free to express themselves and no one will ever look at it.  Do observe them as they are doing this however.  Watch how they are writing, if they are scribbling roughly or trying to hold back tears.  This will give you an idea of where to begin with the healing process. 
If he/she is writing so hard that it nearly puts a hole in the paper.  Then you are dealing with extreme anger issues.  If he/she is distant and doesn't seem interested in doing this exercise, then it's a deeper rooted issue.
In either case you should find a professional who can help your child deal with these emotions.   
Create a special place for your child's journal.  Explain that this is the "special place" for these feelings. Emphasize that only they will be allowed to look at the journal.  This is not the same as ignoring your problems.  This is a simple way to show your child how to express their feelings in a safe and understanding way. 
This way if the problem persists your child will come to you right away.  Rather than hide away. 

Remember the first step to stop this on-going problem is to seek help.  Be aware and report it.  We must teach our children that this is unacceptable behavior and will not be tolorated.  Every child deserves to go to school without fear. 




This is a highly recommended book to get you started on helping boost your child's self-esteem.